Trying to give it Three Weeks

I guess there’s something out there that says behavioral intervention should be revisited after being in place for about 6 weeks.  Maybe I’m a little off with that, but I guess it makes sense.  It takes time for a kid (or anyone, really) to internalize or automate responses to daily events/stimuli.

I had a discussion today with Mr. Okay.

He’s not been improving on his understanding of Locus of Control…(also previously blogged about).

Today, his English teacher was subbing for him in social studies class.  Unusual situation, but it actually occurs every Wednesday afternoon.  So Mr. Okay should be accustomed to this by now.  Well, today he had a generally rough time.  Nothing way out of control, just your typical distracting, off-task, attention-seeking behaviors that can sap the energy from the teacher (and prevent the rest of the class from getting on with the work).

She chose to not remove him (her judgment call), but escorted him down to my room after class.  She was hoping to get some information from him.  He was very stern faced (very animated kid), and wouldn’t talk at first.  I told him to head to the ISS room and I’ll meet him there in 5 minutes.  At that point, he decides to open up.  Well, too late in my book (kids love to do that – as soon as they hear the consequence, that’s when they decide to do what you’ve asked).  So I sent him and said I’d talk in a few.  This didn’t help matters, because now it was my fault that he was missing class…

   “I wanted to talk, but you had to make me wait 5 minutes…”  “It’s your fault I can’t go to 7th hour…”

Of course, he neglects to recognize that the reason I wasn’t going to talk to him was because my first attempts to get some information were met with no response.

Anyway, I did eventually get down to talk with him.

The conversation did not go well.

    As a side note, I sometimes avoid these “heart-to-heart” conversations because kids see them as “lectures” rather than opportunities to learn from mistakes.  I was hoping today we could have a positive talk about understanding our role when we get into trouble.  As you will see, that did not pan out so well.

The general gist of the conversation was this:

Do you know why you were brought down by the teacher after class?

No.

Do you think you were a problem in the classroom?

Not that bad.

Why would the teacher have brought you down if you were following rules?

Why do you have to blow this up into a big problem.  I might have been a little more hyper than typical, but it wasn’t so bad I should be in trouble for it.

Why would the teacher have brought you down if it wasn’t that bad?

Oh my God! … (ranting about how I’m overly tough on him and I have major problems and Grandma and Grandpa are going to come in and have a meeting..)

I gave him a lot of short one-liners to ponder – brought up the phrase “victim mentality” and “locus of control,” neither one he could define (and refused to look up).  Nonetheless, he perseverated on the  notion that I put him in an eternally bad mood and that’s why he gets into trouble.

I just don’t know how to get this boy to take a look in the mirror and see his faults.  He’s an awesome kid – he smiles a ton, participates well, and generally does fine.  But when something doesn’t go his way, he will blame everyone under the sun.

As I was reflecting tonight, I realized he’s got a nasty combination of issues at play here:

  1. He often doesn’t recognize the problems with his behavior.  When pointed out that his behavior is disruptive, he immediately
  2. Blames those around him or adults in charge for causing him to be hyper, talk back, or shut down.

The two issues really play off each other horribly – like a nasty cycle of errors in thinking.

He is one of my top projects this year – I am trying to learn more about how to continue to make consequences fit the misbehavior to avoid the “Unfair” response – but it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t even realize that he’s done something wrong.

Ideas?

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