Tag Archives: behavior

and then there are days

where I am running around the entire day.  There are days when I hit the schoolgrounds running.  Really, it started Thursday when, during my commute home during a 2-hour snow release, my principal calls telling me one of my students brought a knife to school.  He was showing it to kids on the bus and telling them that he was going to “cut up” a kid who had taken a Pokemon card of his and refused to return it.

Pretty serious situation.

So Friday morning, we begin the task of finding as many witnesses as we can.  Fortunately, that was not difficult since my braggart 7th grader was very public about his intentions with the knife.  I interviewed three kids – all stories lined up (makes this easier).  So in comes my student and his parents.  The high school liason officer did most of the talking – letting the kid tell all about what had happened.

I haven’t indicated yet that the student in question here has been mentioned already on this blog.  This guy is a compulsive liar.  Very difficult if not impossible to get him to tell the truth – not only when he messes up, but even when telling positive things about himself.  It’s really quite sad.  Hence the reason we had to do our homework before interrogating him.

So when the officer prompted him to tell the story about the bus ride and the knife, we made it clear that we knew the truth already based on witness accounts.   And, surprisingly, he was fairly truthful.  3 months ago, this boy would have told about 5% truth and the rest fiction.

So, though this is obviously a negative incident in this boy’s history, it does indicate some positive movement towards truth-telling.  And, up until Thursday, things were going quite swimmingly at school.

I hope this incident (and the unavoidable legal aftermath) doesn’t pull him down a path towards increased criminality.

This is the fork in the road I have seen many children reach during their time with me: some incident occurs where they may become under a court order.  This tends to either harden them (where no consequence will help guide them towards behavioral improvement), or scare the bejesus out of them (where they quickly figure out better choices for themselves).

This student has a good heart.  He’s really an innocent kid.  I will take it very personally if he chooses to harden himself and lead a life of criminal thinking…but I don’t know yet how to keep him innocent while he makes such choices.

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Trying to give it Three Weeks

I guess there’s something out there that says behavioral intervention should be revisited after being in place for about 6 weeks.  Maybe I’m a little off with that, but I guess it makes sense.  It takes time for a kid (or anyone, really) to internalize or automate responses to daily events/stimuli.

I had a discussion today with Mr. Okay.

He’s not been improving on his understanding of Locus of Control…(also previously blogged about).

Today, his English teacher was subbing for him in social studies class.  Unusual situation, but it actually occurs every Wednesday afternoon.  So Mr. Okay should be accustomed to this by now.  Well, today he had a generally rough time.  Nothing way out of control, just your typical distracting, off-task, attention-seeking behaviors that can sap the energy from the teacher (and prevent the rest of the class from getting on with the work).

She chose to not remove him (her judgment call), but escorted him down to my room after class.  She was hoping to get some information from him.  He was very stern faced (very animated kid), and wouldn’t talk at first.  I told him to head to the ISS room and I’ll meet him there in 5 minutes.  At that point, he decides to open up.  Well, too late in my book (kids love to do that – as soon as they hear the consequence, that’s when they decide to do what you’ve asked).  So I sent him and said I’d talk in a few.  This didn’t help matters, because now it was my fault that he was missing class…

   “I wanted to talk, but you had to make me wait 5 minutes…”  “It’s your fault I can’t go to 7th hour…”

Of course, he neglects to recognize that the reason I wasn’t going to talk to him was because my first attempts to get some information were met with no response.

Anyway, I did eventually get down to talk with him.

The conversation did not go well.

    As a side note, I sometimes avoid these “heart-to-heart” conversations because kids see them as “lectures” rather than opportunities to learn from mistakes.  I was hoping today we could have a positive talk about understanding our role when we get into trouble.  As you will see, that did not pan out so well.

The general gist of the conversation was this:

Do you know why you were brought down by the teacher after class?

No.

Do you think you were a problem in the classroom?

Not that bad.

Why would the teacher have brought you down if you were following rules?

Why do you have to blow this up into a big problem.  I might have been a little more hyper than typical, but it wasn’t so bad I should be in trouble for it.

Why would the teacher have brought you down if it wasn’t that bad?

Oh my God! … (ranting about how I’m overly tough on him and I have major problems and Grandma and Grandpa are going to come in and have a meeting..)

I gave him a lot of short one-liners to ponder – brought up the phrase “victim mentality” and “locus of control,” neither one he could define (and refused to look up).  Nonetheless, he perseverated on the  notion that I put him in an eternally bad mood and that’s why he gets into trouble.

I just don’t know how to get this boy to take a look in the mirror and see his faults.  He’s an awesome kid – he smiles a ton, participates well, and generally does fine.  But when something doesn’t go his way, he will blame everyone under the sun.

As I was reflecting tonight, I realized he’s got a nasty combination of issues at play here:

  1. He often doesn’t recognize the problems with his behavior.  When pointed out that his behavior is disruptive, he immediately
  2. Blames those around him or adults in charge for causing him to be hyper, talk back, or shut down.

The two issues really play off each other horribly – like a nasty cycle of errors in thinking.

He is one of my top projects this year – I am trying to learn more about how to continue to make consequences fit the misbehavior to avoid the “Unfair” response – but it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t even realize that he’s done something wrong.

Ideas?

Locus of Control aka Victim Mentality

I have a 8th grade (13-year old) student who seems to always feel like the adults in his life are out to get him.

His behaviors are very blatant and often obnoxious, yet when a teacher calls him on it, he feels like the teacher is picking on him.

For example, this morning he kicked another student while working together at a table.  It wasn’t the end of the world since the students were decent acquaintances, but it still was a distraction to both their learning.  So we had him move to another desk.  Once there, he proceeded to make random utterances, thus disrupting the class again.

As a side note, this is a student who is perfectly capable of devoting quiet attention to a task for hours on end – I have seen it.  So we are not asking of him things he is not capable of doing.

So we needed him to leave the classroom and go to another one just down the hall.  This was in his eyes a major offense on our part.

No matter how an adult tries to reason with him, we are met with a response like “I don’t understand why you guys always have to pick on me…”  As if he wasn’t doing something worthy of being removed.  We have tried to reason with him (both in the heat of the moment and when he’s calm), but he maintains the fact that we are singling him out as a “bad kid” when he’s doing nothing different than the rest in the class.

Watching a video of himself in such situations yields no better results.  He still perceives that adults are out to get him.

I am crying out in desperation here for some intervention techniques for this boy.  He is in a social skills class, so we have the opportunity to role play scenarios and such.
I am just at a loss for how to retrain him to understand that HE is in control of his life.  When he messes up, something bad can happen (and at school, we do our best to ensure there is a consequence).

Does anyone have any strategies for dealing with this victim mentality – or some insight as to his mis-perceptions?  We love this boy and want him to take ownership for his mistakes.